Picture this true story. My daughter Dori punches her sister, Holly, in the face. Holly is on the ground clutching her face crying. Dori sprints to the kitchen quickly to say three words. I. Am. Sorry. Stop with the Sorry! Learn from the Mistake!
That is the what she always gets from me, along with a few swift pats to her behind . Sometimes she has a bewildered look on her face. She can’t believe that I told her to stop saying sorry. I am very deliberate with this request because, frankly, I am not really buying the apology at the moment. In addition, I don’t want her always turning to that word in the midst of drama or conflict.
Wait.
What?
Aren’t we taught that we should always say sorry for wrongdoing? I mean, Holly’s face is surely hurting.
I always thought so too until God gave me girls, 3 daughters. Then my perspective started to change drastically. Something else that changed me was becoming a school teacher and seeing what cowed children go through at home and how some are treated at school. Many feel inadequate and timid. Some lack confidence. They are willing to do or say anything to be accepted. It was then that I quickly realized that talk is cheap. Actions are so much more important and learning from our mistakes or negative things we may see. This is a fairly common thought. However, that is not why I am writing this post. There are two reasons in particular that I am of the mindset to be careful with overusing sorry and this is especially true for girls.
1.) Habitually saying sorry makes the word lose its value. I think of my daughters in this situation. What if one of them were to fall into a toxic relationship? Let’s say one of them meets a narcissistic man, and he becomes a manipulator. I certainly hope this is just a hypothetical scenario, but just for example’s sake, lets go with it.
An overly apologetic person, who pulls out the sorry card, may be using it to just dodge confrontation. She may not be wrong in the least. Forget the sorry and pin point what the root problem is, and if in the wrong, grow from it. Be willing to always make a mental note and get better. But if not, hopefully she can recognize that fact without quickly using sorry as a band-aid. Never just use sorry as a quick fix just to go back to a peaceful place. What eventually happens is that happy place ceases to exist.
2.) Redundant use of sorry makes a person look weak. Lately, I have been reading the book entitled Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, and it oftentimes emphasizes the fact that we need to build up our kids, especially girls. We must build them up in such away that no matter what type of toxicity might find them, they are quick to identify it and wash their hands of it. One of the ways to ensure strong individuals is to not overuse sorry. That aforementioned narcissistic person preys on the meek individual who murmurs sorry. Acts of kindness shown to each other after the mistake build relationships much more than those five letters when conflict occurs.
In conclusion, I am not saying that we should encourage others to do wrong, to be brats, and to never attempt to say sorry, but we should also be careful with the frequency in which we use the word. There is a fine line that we must be careful not to cross. A balancing act of sorts. It could be the difference in a strong person vs. a weak one, a powerful word vs. a worthless one.
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I really like this Kyle. Even with Ricky who is a good kid like yours, I think he sometimes uses it as a panacea for not listening. It is important to learn from the mistake and not just keep repeating it.
BTW put your website addx at the bottom of your memes too. That way if someone uses it it will direct them back to your site